A happy, sad day

My babies are growing up! After more than a decade of mothering, my youngest child started kindergarten this week and my oldest started middle school. Rachel begins her own long journey of formal education, Mark glides on through in the middle, and Abigail begins those infamous "awkward years". As for myself, I look for ways to occupy my hours.

Reflecting on the past decade, I feel so blessed to have been part of my children's lives. They have consumed me, my hours and my emotions, and have filled my days with purpose and love. I have made many mistakes, but we have grown and changed together. They have borne with me, and I with them, through silly, wonderful times and through times when our worst flaws were displayed. As I send them off this year, I feel confident they will develop in character and maturity. They still are glad to call me "mom", and I am certainly their biggest fan!

Many times, I thought this day would never come, moments I spent wondering how I could possibly make it until my husband arrived home to relieve me of my duty. During those long days with three young kids at home, I searched for any excuse to leave the house: the grocery store, the gym, ANYWHERE would do as long as there were other adults. I was wise to schedule at least one daily outting.

But we sure had fun, too! My life as a stay-at-home mom involved lots of playdates and crawling around on floors, chasing toddlers and resolving tiffs while trying to complete a forever-interrupted conversation with a friend. It was a spontaneous and flexible life, though, and I followed where my whims took me. I scheduled trips to the park, the zoo, the ice cream shop, the pool, children's museums, and anywhere with an indoor playscape. We had serious FUN, and there were other adults to talk to. I was limited only by my imagination and naptimes.

Gone now are the days of diapers, goodbye to nursing and snotty noses on my clothes. No more worries about whether my house is baby-proof of small toys, no more cutting up food into bite-size pieces. Good bye to sippy cups and portable snacks and kid CDs in the car. Gone are sweet baby steps and arms wrapped around legs for balance.

Now, it's a game of  balance: homework, extra-curricular activities, dinner, the details of life on the move. My working hours are now before 8:30 and after 3:00 (and all summer long!).

Perhaps I should adopt the delightful Malaysian description for homemaker, "surirumah", meaning queen of the house". Welcome the days of free time and ladies lunches, reading and exercise and the pursuit of hobbies. After so many years of loud, welcome the time for reflection and meditation, the ability to carry a thought to completion. Welcome the wonderful, beautiful sound of silence . . . ah, to breathe and think at last. I soak in the quiet like rays of sunshine!

. . . Wait a minute, perhaps it's a bit too quiet . . . I'm missing my favorite people . . . isn't it 3:00 yet?